sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
