Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
