I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
