OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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