i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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