kristin has been a bad kristin
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Randomize
