i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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