I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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