He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize