do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
