Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
