i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
