FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
