Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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