i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
