During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
