Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
