All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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