I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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