apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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