What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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