it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
