What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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