I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
