went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All the doctor said was why
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
