He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
