I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
did you just send me my own nude
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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