Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
