Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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