I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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