dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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