Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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