I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
