I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
