is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
