just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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