he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
