these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
