Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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