I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
