yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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