Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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