Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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