he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
