Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
