Will you blow on my dice?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
