Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
