the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
