Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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