So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
