I'm lost and stupid without you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sarcasm needs its own font
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
