I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
