I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
