Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize