hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize