No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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