Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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