How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
