i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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