I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
