After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
