Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
