i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
