is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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