Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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