Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
