She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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