I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
