he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
